“What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A fireman!” the exuberant five-year old shouted. Immediately, his father began chastising the young boy. “No, No, No, you are going to be a preacher. Remember, you are going to be a preacher.” With that, he sent the boy to his room. My team and I were going door to door sharing the Gospel for an Evangelism class. The man told us he was a minister and tried explaining his action after noticing our surprised look. You have to start training up children the way they should go at a young age so that when they get old, they won’t depart from it. Despite the fact he was a minister, he didn’t have a clue about the meaning of the Proverb to which he referred. Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it (Pro 22:6).
My wife and I began our commitments to Christ in a strict holiness church. When our first son was born, we were constantly reminded of this verse and that it meant parents must compel their children to live by the scripture, to make them memorize it, to obey every word, and punish them if they didn’t. Our mentors believed regardless of how far children drifted away from the Lord, this verse guaranteed they would return and be saved. Many mothers and fathers have created false hope by claiming this verse as a promise over a wayward child. If nothing ever changes, they become increasingly discouraged because they had trained their children in the Bible, taken them to church every time the door was open, and made them live by biblical rules. They can even be tempted to doubt scripture. They fail to understand their child has a free will and can go his/her own way.
Fundamental for a correct understanding of the Book of Proverbs is that proverbs are not promises. A proverb is a short pithy saying instructing people (especially youth) in the way of life, and how to develop a godly character. Proverbs are not theoretical knowledge but practical expertise. Our early church friends took the verse to mean parents were to force children into a particular mold of doctrine, usually tradition, and to become the person they wanted them to be. However, this is opposite of what Solomon intended.
We should note that this verse is not just to parents. It applies to anyone who works with children, adolescences, and young adults. I viewed my young college students in this group—I was training them in the way they should go. The word ‘train up’ means to dedicate, to initiate, to narrow, and to stimulate. Other Bible versions translate this verse, direct your children, point your kids, and teach a youth. Note it does not mean to mold them, pressure them, sculpt them, or force them. Paul told Christians do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed (Rom 12:2)—not a parallel verse but conform and transform illustrates the difference between train by forcing and train by stimulating. Conformed means to pressure from the outside like a piece of metal compressed into a coin. Transformed means to be changed from the inside. Training up a child is not pressure from the outside but an inside transformation as we initiate and stimulate the way they should go.
Babies aren’t born tabula rasa or a blank slate. Every human enters this world with a different temperament, gender, natural abilities, and physical traits inherent in their being. This is by God’s design. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb… I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psa 139:13, 14). Then the environment around the child further shapes the way they think, communicate, and relate to others. Parents and teachers are to stimulate and guide a child so that they develop into the person God intends them to be. We are helping the child release who God made them. We are cultivating them to blossom like a beautiful flower. Parents may want a tulip, but their child is a rose. No amount of pressure will turn the rose into a tulip. Too many parents push their children into sports, music lessons, beauty contest, etc. often in an attempt to make up for their own failed dreams.
God does not take a cookie-cutter approach when He weaves us together in our mother’s womb. He customizes every human for a special purpose. Any parent with two or more children soon discovers each one is different. The things they like or dislike are different. Their natural talents are different. Their styles of learning differ. Some learn better visually, others through auditory manners and others learn best through activities; one may be good at math, one loves science, or one is better with practical topics and lousy with academic subjects. Problems arise when we label one as better or worse. I’ve always wondered if the little boy grew up to be a fireman or a preacher. If God designed him to be a fireman and his Dad pressured him to be a preacher, chances are he is an unhappy and unfulfilled preacher.
Sustaining Word for the Week: Parents and teachers, you have precious gifts. Direct them on the right path toward who God designed them to be. They will be happy and fulfilled and you will be proud.