Donna and I enjoyed our empty nest for five years with all our children married and living in their own homes. Sixteen months ago, we relocated from our suburban home of twenty years, to our quiet little farm. Here we settled into our new normal. I have written more than a few times that life consists of a series of new beginnings. The week before Thanksgiving, our empty nest took in a new resident and we entered a new beginning. Donna’s mom at 82 years old reached the point she could no longer care for herself without some assistance. Donna, an only child and with no other relatives, accepted her obligation. Again, we adjusted to a new normal. Now our schedules take into account a third person. We must consider and include doctors’ appointments, eating out, trips, buying groceries, etc. in our routine.
When preparing to move into a new house, people asked, “Oh! I guess you are downsizing?” We laughed, “No, we actually bought a larger house.” We did not realize God was weaving His unseen pattern preparing us for a new normal. The house contains ample room for her mom to live in her own space with a full bath.
Statistics show that up to 30% of the American population provides care for an aging parent. For some the change presents no major issues—just readjustments. However, for others, it overwhelms them. The demands throw them into a situation requiring multiple difficult decisions. Parents with the financial resources may willingly relocate to an assisted living facility where they live with people their age. However, some are unable because of limited assets. Stressful issues arise when parents are unwilling and want to remain in their own home. Few people expect or foresee caring for an aging parent and fear assuming the responsibility when thrust upon them. Those with siblings can end up in family squabbles about who takes the responsibility.
We accepted it as an opportunity. Her mom lived a difficult life with countless hardships. Donna always hoped to provide her mom with happiness during her later years of life. I took it as a ministry opportunity. Granny did not have relationship with Christ until recently. My goal became to help her establish a solid grounding in Christ. Now she attends church when she is able, reads the Bible, studies, and prays each day. Her relationship with God grows daily
My 88 years old aunt Opel passed away last year. She provided us with an encouraging example. At the age of 80 years, she faced this situation. Her sister, my aunt Kat, with no other family could no longer live alone. After eighty years, aunt Opel hoped to slow down and do things she had put on hold but instead brought Aunt Kat to live we her until she passed away four years later. Aunt Opel’s eulogy focused on her servant’s heart. Her son shared how she resisted this responsibility at first. Then the Holy Spirit reminded her that Christians never stop serving as long as we live on this earth. She accepted this as an opportunity to serve with no further resistance. Now, both she and her sister have begun a new normal. Neither will ever face another new beginning. They rest for eternity with Christ.
The early church expected believers to care for parents. We honor your father and your mother (Exo 20:12) and please God when we care for our family. Jesus expressed concern for the care of His mother. When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved [John] standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household (John 19:26, 27).
My Dad lived only a short period after he developed an illness that lead to his death. However, those few days provided closure to unresolved issues for me. Caring for aging parents can bring closures, a renewed sense of love, compassion, and tenderness between family members. Forgiveness is essential concerning past painful issues so that unresolved anger does not affect our care.
How does one survive a new normal? When a new beginning occurs in our life, we must turn-loose the past and accept that our normal has changed. We must embrace the new as an opportunity of serving God. He knows all the changes that will take place in our lives and prepares the way. The only lasting normal begins when we enter eternity.
Sustaining Word for the Week: A new normal provides an opportunity to serve. Whether it involves an aging parent or any other change, God knew this day would come. Let go of the past and embrace the new.