When you change, you must do something different. Yes, I remember I wrote on this several weeks ago. Some of you might even be saying, “Yea, I remember, I started doing things differently, and I don’t like it. It hurts. In fact, I’m angry.” My response is “good”. That means you are in the process of readjusting. Change is seldom easy. No matter how big or small changes may be, there are stages or phases of readjustment. Every foreign missionary faces these when adjusting to a strange new culture. It starts out being fun like a tourist enjoying the wonders of new places and people. But, a tourist will go home. As a permanent resident living in a new country, you wake up one morning to the realization that you are not going home any time soon. We call this ‘cultural shock’. You miss your friends, your family; crave the food of your favorite restaurant, dislike, even despise your new cultural surroundings, and long to hear Amazing Grace sung in English. Then, you begin noticing good things about the new culture. You discover a food that you like. You make new friends. Then, you are on the road to adaptation. Of course, the biggest shock will come when you go home and have reverse-cultural shock, discovering things are not the way they were four years ago.
Probably not many of you will experience this kind of extreme change. However, it serves as a good example because to a lesser degree, any change will take us through similar stages. Even though we have only moved 70 miles from our home of twenty-five years, we are again experiencing these stages toward adaption. I really miss my hot-wing restaurant where I ate three times a week. Plus, we have not found even one good Mexican restaurant. We have moved from an urban setting to a rural setting—had to drag out my old southern accent. Yet, nothing we did not expect.
When people lose a loved one to death, they will go through the grief process. It is takes the griever through similar stages of adjustment. You have the initial shock and then anger and depression. These are all good. I have known people who stuffed their loss and suffered in other ways for years. After these first stages, you will reach the upward turn. You slowly begin adjusting to life without your loved one; your life becomes a little calmer and more organized.
Another change, probably the biggest change that happens to every parent, is when that ‘baby’ goes off to college or moves away for a new job. My wife would not even go into our oldest son’s room for a month when he left for college. I thought it would be different for the next two, but it was the same. Then when our youngest left, I thought I might also have to move. Yet, through all of these changes, God helped us adjust and now we are enjoying the empty nest. Parents have to be careful not to hinder a child when it is time for them to leave. I have known too many parents who have refused to let go and even became angry with the son or daughter when they left to pursue their own lives.
I will always remember my mother when God called us to go to Africa. For months, she grumbled every time we saw her about us leaving. One day, in the middle of her telling me I could not leave because “you’re my only child”, I turned and put my hands on her shoulders, looked her in the eye, and said, “Mom, didn’t you pray I would grow up and serve God?” She thought for a moment, “Yes, of course”. “Then you must accept our going to Africa is the answer to your prayers.” She never again complained about us leaving.
Yes, change can be difficult for the person changing and often for those around them. Your change might be something simple. Maybe you want to spend more time studying God’s Word but others do not approve because you are spending less time with them. Your change may be furthering your education, requiring you to be away from home more. Your change might be establishing a better relationship with your spouse or children requiring you to give up something else. The change list is infinite because everyone faces a multitude of areas in which he or she must change. Remember there are stages to adaptation, so if you are feeling the hurt of doing something different, it will get better.
Oh! By the way, we have found a Mennonite restaurant with the best Southern cooking I have ever eaten—local farm raise meat, fresh vegetables, and macaroni pie like my Mom fixed. Sure makes adjustment a little easier.
Sustaining Word for the Week:
From last week’s SW, do not let others hinder you from the change you know God wants you to make. Also, do not hinder anyone else from changing and doing what God wants them to do.