“I love you my husband!” My response to my wife’s affection did not go over as planned, “What is love?” This was during one of my times of studying philosophy and the meaning of words. Won’t give that reply to the wife again. But the question ‘what is love’ remains. An easy phrase to say to someone and at times with deep sentiments attached, but too often, it is an empty phrase without real meaning.
The Greek language of New Testament times used four different words all translated love. Each one represented a different aspect of love. The Bible records three of them. The best passage for understanding the two most common is John 21:15-17 when Jesus asked Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter responded, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” English translations don’t convey the fact Jesus and Peter spoke two difference words for love. Jesus used the word agape. Peter responded with the word phileo.
Most Christians have heard the term agape love. It appears almost exclusively in Christian writings and prior the New Testament it is virtually non-existent with the exception of the Greek translation of the Old Testament. It seems Jesus and the apostles adopted this infrequent word for a new concept of love. Agape draws its meaning from the revelation of God in Christ. It is based on the value of the object being loved in contrast to feelings and emotions for the object. It is a love that recognizes the worthiness of the object loved. Agape is God’s love and goes beyond mere affections. This is why Jesus even commanded us to love (agape) our enemies. Certainly, we do not have good feelings about our enemy; however, we can express agape love, which means we display righteousness towards them despite our emotions. It is not a natural love but a supernatural fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). This love is unconditional. Peter would need agape love when the Lord sent him to Cornelius’ house, a Gentile that the Jews hated.
Peter responded to Jesus’ question with the word phileo, the love we feel for people that we consider friends. It flows out of personal attachment to an object based on positive emotions we receive from that object or person. We can best define phileo love as the love between friends. In contrast to agape, it is conditional because it depends on how the person behaves toward us. Thus, the dialogue between Jesus and Peter would be—“Peter, do you have God’s unconditional love for me? Peter responded, you know I love you as my friend.” Again a second time they exchanged this same dialogue. However, the third time Jesus asked, “Peter, do you have phileo or friendship love for me?” It seems that Jesus questioned if Peter even possessed a true friendship love. This grieved Peter.
The third word in the Bible, stergo is defined as the natural affection between family members—father, mother, brothers, sisters, etc. and only used twice in the Bible in a negative form. The fourth word is eros from which we get words like erotic. Eros is a passionate love, with sensual desire and the longing between a man and woman or the intimate love of a husband and wife. Although not in the Bible, any sinful act of immorality implies a misdirected eros love. Scriptures on marriage suggest eros as one type of love between a husband and wife. Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled (Heb 13:4).
Numerous lessons apply to these words. One that challenges me relates to loving my enemies or loving people I do not like. If we are honest, everyone knows certain individuals they do not like or have good feeling toward. We cannot have phileo friendship love for such people. This is when we must rely on the power of God, through faith in Jesus Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to manifest agape love. It also applies to difficult times in marriage when a husband and a wife must love each other with agape love. Every married couple experiences periods when feelings are negative and phileo friendship love is low or eros is lacking. Too often in the current world, couples divorce rather than continue with agape love and seek God’s help in healing and renewing the other aspects of love.
Love in all forms must move beyond mere words. Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth (1Jn 3:18). Jesus gave love as a new commandment and the identifying trait of believers. “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (Joh 13:35).
Sustaining Word for the Week: You may dislike certain people and have no affection for them. Yet, through the Holy Spirit, you can demonstrate righteousness by agape love toward them.