I imagine some of you have glanced at the obituary checking for my name. To be honest, I looked a few times myself. I published the last Sustaining Word May 2021. I can sum up the time since then as the most difficult period in our lives. My faith has been tested beyond anything I had ever experienced or even imagined. I questioned everything I believed, and many days I lost all hope, which plunged me into total despondency. I didn’t hear the Holy Spirt. Not once did I perceive a sense of God’s presence. The Bible seemed like dead words on the page. Yet, one scripture stayed in my mind, keeping me from absolute despair. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead), behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will take hold of me (Psalm 139:7-10 AMP).
Let me give a brief scenario of the major events. A biopsy confirmed I had prostate cancer; my doctor scheduled surgery. But a week later, I became extremely ill and collapsed on the bedroom floor. Donna couldn’t get me up and I found myself in an ambulance for the first time and on my way to the hospital for the first time since a tonsillectomy at age eight. I only remember bits and pieces about the first three days. Test revealed the bacterium septic e-coli had developed from the biopsy. It was in my bloodstream and centimeters from infecting my kidneys—doctors weren’t sure I would live. But another doctor was there—Jesus. Apparently, God had more ministry for me. After recovering for a couple of months, the time arrived for my prostrate surgery. Thank God it was successful without complications, and the doctor was able to remove all the cancer.
“End of trials”, I thought, but no, not yet. Two years have passed since Donna again checked me into the hospital—high fever, struggling for every breath, too weak to get out of bed, unable to think clearly. After several days, they ‘believed’ I had bacterial pneumonia from one of our farm animals. I think they tried every antibiotic known to man, but none seemed to help. Yet, praise the Lord. Again, He was there healing—my fever broke. After eight days with no more tests to perform and no type of antibiotic provided a solution; still weak, they sent me home. A pulmonology specialist, a close friend of my son in Nashville, took an interest. He consulted with Donna and I for hours over the phone. After reviewing all my records, he recommended another specialist in Greenville. The new doctor has concluded that instead of pneumonia, I had COVID-19. This happened before the declaration of the pandemic. No test was available at the time. My struggle for the past two years has been the long-term effects of COVID-19, which include fatigue and brain fog among a few others. These have kept me from writing. I’ve battled for two weeks just to write this update.
I won’t share the details, but another nightmare took place during this time. We were trying to sell our house and move. With everything packed and the movers coming the next morning, the first buyers back out at 6 PM. We lived the next three months surrounded by moving boxes. Yet, with darkness all around us, and no sense of God’s presence, He was there working behind the scenes. Thank God for my wife, who has handled the sale and the move from beginning to the end. I am sitting in our newly built home, and it is paid for. I am still fatigued and fighting through brain fog. But I can only believe God has more ministry for me.
Sustaining Word: With your prayer for us, I know we can keep going and serving God. I’ve learned I don’t need to hear the Holy Spirit or perceive a sense of God’s presence. The Bible can seem like dead words on the page. But He promised, For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword (Heb 4:12). He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you (13:5).