Last week, the news networks and social media buzzed with reports about the death of Robin Williams by suicide. No one can deny he was a brilliant actor starring in roles from comedy to serious drama. Any class I taught on teaching techniques, I required students to watch “Dead Poet’s Society” in which Williams played a provocative and inspiring educator utilizing unique teaching methods. Nonetheless, we will remember him most for making all of us laugh.
The recurring comment by announcers and guests centered around his cheerful exuberant personality. But followed by questions on how was it possible he could descend into overwhelming depression and unhappiness when out of the public’s eye. They just could not understand. Every time I heard this, I wanted to scream at the TV, “I understand”. Those of us who battle the dark place of depression can identify with this roller coaster existence. We play a happy character in public life. People may even consider us the life of the party. However, for us, after a gathering ends, the people leave, and we sit alone with our real self, depression starts creeping back in. The adrenaline is gone and our body chemistry returns to normal. Suddenly, we feel like the batteries in our light have died, we have fallen into a deep pit, and we are far from home on a moonless night.
My parents and their generation thought the words depression and crazy were synonyms. Being raise around this mindset caused me years of suffering before I sought help. I could preach and bring people to their feet in praise or teach with an anointing and see in people’s eyes that the light of understanding had turned on. But as soon as I drove out of the parking lot, the black hole of depression began sucking me back into its abyss.
Typically, only our spouse and kids know about our struggles. Sometimes children only know Daddy or Mommy locked themselves in their room because they do not feel well. We are fearful of sharing with anyone else. Maybe we tried and the response came, “But you have so much to be happy about, a wonderful family, a successful ministry, a nice home, friends, blah, blah, blah, blah. . . When in our dark place, we could care less. In fact, if someone could double all these external amenities, it would make no difference.
Although not the only example of depression in the Bible, one of the most characteristic was Elijah. Contrast the mighty passionate prophet on Mount Carmel calling down fire from heaven and executing the 450 prophets of Baal with the days that followed. After Jezebel’s threat, Elijah dismissed the triumphs, left his servant, ran into the wilderness, sat under a Juniper tree wanting to die then hid in a dark cave viewing himself as a failure. Emotionally, he went from pumped to deflated, from victory to defeat, from boldness to fear, and from hope to disappointment. In his depression, he falsely assumed he remained the only believer not yet knowing God had preserved 7,000 in Israel, who had not bowed to Baal.
We that travel this path must not overlook a key lesson here. During this entire ordeal, the LORD remained with Elijah even sending His angels to care for him. We know God empowered him on Mt. Carmel bringing the victory, but note the LORD stayed with him under the Juniper tree and in the dark cave (1 Kings 16-19). David must have also suffered these times of darkness. However, he learned no place existed where he could escape God’s presence. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? . . . If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there…Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night. Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You (Psalms 139:7-12). We seek solitude when depressed, but God abides with us even in our darkest place; pitch black to us but bright as the noon day sun to God. Elijah’s ministry was not complete. The LORD still had work for him. Elijah journeyed almost 300 miles across a wilderness and through remote mountains. He escaped people, but not the loving and caring God who promises He will never leave or forsake us.
Today doctors have developed numerous beneficial drugs, one of which revolutionized my life. Yet, medicine alone without God is not always sufficient to quell the darkness. For believers we need the help of the Holy Spirit. I have not hidden in my cave for a long time. But yes, on occasions I still feel like retreating there. When this occurs, the Holy Spirit nudges me in the other direction. He gives me wisdom and teaches me ways of keeping my emotions balanced. My wife understands when I need quiet time especially after I get what we call ‘people overload.’ During my periods of renewing, I spend it studying, writing, and being with God. I now realized any accomplishments I made in public ministry have been His strength manifested in my weakness.
Sustaining Word for the Week: I understand. Be assured, you are not alone. You will never find a place to escape God’s loving care. He still has work for you.