It happens to all of us and we all do it. It is a normal part of life and often a subconscious action. Sometimes it’s an emotionless choice we make and other times it brings us intense pain. We use synonyms like no, refuse, decline, turn down, forbid, veto, thumbs down, renounce, and many more. The dictionary defines it as to dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one’s taste. We best know it in a negative connotation as ‘reject or rejection’. Most rejection is subtle and we normally don’t think of it as rejection. Yet, every time we make a choice between two products at the grocery store, we choose one and reject the other. If we buy a new refrigerator, we purchase one adequate for our needs. In essence, we reject the others because we believe they would be inadequate. My family knows I won’t eat beets. I reject them because I don’t like their taste. All these are harmless choices and rejections.
On the other hand, rejection directed toward us as a person can engage our deepest emotions. No one is immune and we will experience it throughout life beginning in childhood. The earliest I remember happened when I was four years old wanting to play with some neighborhood boys but they refused to allow me to take part. Teenagers are notorious for rejecting each other—you don’t fit in their clique; you are always last to be chosen for a team game; they never ask you to their parties; you aren’t allowed to sit at their table or hang out with the crowd, etc. For adults rejection happens when a company turns down your job application, a girl/boyfriend breaks up with you, your spouse divorces you, or people ridicule you for your faith.
The Bible addresses rejection 98 times. Jesus understands when we face it because; He was despised and rejected by men (Is 53:3 NIV). He came to his own people, and even they rejected him (John 1:11 NLT). Five times NT writers referring to Jesus quoted Psalm 118:22; He was the stone which the builders rejected. His brothers rejected Him, His hometown, the Pharisee and Sadducees, and even His followers. Many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore (Jn 6:66).
In any form, rejection hurts and can leave deep lasting wounds. The degree of rejection depends on who rejected us—casual acquaintances, co-workers, family, friends, and worst of all, the church. It attacks the very core of who we are and repeated rejection builds up pain and anger inside heart and mind. We begin questioning ourselves wondering “why” and “what did I do wrong”, “what’s wrong with me?” It eventually shatters our true worth and self-esteem. One definition says it discards an individual as being worthless. The devil uses the results of rejection as a tool to destroy our life. The thief [Satan] comes only to steal and kill and destroy (Joh 10:10). We strive at all costs to avoid rejection by building walls of protection. We shield ourselves from anyone who has rejected us and anyone like them. As our fundamental feeling of belonging erodes away, we reject our self’s as worthless.
The number of people struggling with the wounds of rejection would be staggering if known. But we don’t know because people hide their pain with a mask or stay in the background. Christians bury their gifts and talents because they fear rejection if they try but fail. Rejection stifles our spiritual growth because of the emotional baggage and negative feelings we carry around. We dare not seek help because if we tell anyone our struggles they will surely reject us! Sadly, this is often true. Recently, even after all my years; I was angry with myself for sharing a wound that led to rejection by a leader. Few things we encounter in life can destroy us and rob us of who we are as rejection does. A sermon I saw on dealing with rejection was entitled: Brush It Off and Move On. I laughed because this preacher had apparently never dealt with much rejection. For those who have experienced a lifetime of rejection, receiving healing and overcoming the fear of future rejection can be a lengthy process but it all begins with Christ.
Note Jesus’ promise. However, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them (Jn 6:37 NLT). God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Heb. 13:5 NIV). If God is for us, who is against us (Rom 8:3)? The rejection of man is meaningless if God’s favor is upon you. After accepting these truths, we must begin accepting our identity in Christ. The leaders rejected Jesus as ‘Son of God’ and as ‘God.’ But He held on to His identity in the Father. “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased” (Matt 3:17). The next step is accepting yourself. Tell yourself I am not worthless. I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ for good works (Eph. 2:10). I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved (Col 3:12; 1 Thess 1:4). I am a partaker of a heavenly calling (Heb 3:1). Scriptures give hundreds more declarations about who you are. We must never allow other people’s rejection define who we are. We find our identity, our worth, and our purpose in Christ.
Sustaining Word for the Week: It hurts, but Jesus can heal the wounds and help you realize who you are in Him.