The further I fell, the smaller and darker the passage became. Darker—smaller—darker—smaller—would it ever end? Not being able to see, I could only image it was structured like a funnel. Finally, I hit the bottom. It was so lonely, so dark, and so small. People were around me, but they really weren’t there. I could hear voices, but they were only garbled sounds—none making any sense. Then suddenly the light came and the space opened wide and everything was normal—until the next time the journey began all over again.
For many reading this, I imagine I’m not making a bit of sense. However, for too many, you know exactly where this place is. Like me, you have been there too often. The world calls it depression. The medical profession has numerous technical terms – but it’s all the same. People, who have never been there, can’t fathom what it’s like. For you, I say praise the LORD. I wish no one ever experienced this journey. You that haven’t, remember for sake of us who do, phrases like pull up your boot straps or you have no reason to be depressed are meaningless when we’re in this pit of darkness. ‘Being down’ or ‘blue’ or having the ‘mully-grubs’ don’t come anywhere near the black-hole of depression. I quietly suffered for many years thinking I was crazy, but also suffering was my family who couldn’t understand. In a move of desperation after suicide became a nagging temptation, I reached out to a Christian physician. The medication he prescribed revolutionized my life. Now only occasionally will I slip down this overpowering funnel of despair.
For years I enjoyed this new life in silence. I didn’t want the stigma of having to take medicine for my mental problems. In speaking with my doctor about this, he assured me that my problem had nothing to do with my mind. It was a chemical imbalance in my body. Wow! I’m not crazy! Cautiously, I began sharing with others in my classes. I soon discovered many who were also fearfully suffering—fearful of the stigma, fearful they were mentally ill, fearful there was no hope, and fearful they were failing God.
Good news! We aren’t in a select company of less spiritual Christians. Several individuals in the Bible have also been to the bottom of this black-hole. Probably the most outstanding is the prophet Elijah. He sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die (1 King 19:4). He then retreated to a dark cave for forty days. Another great leader that most people overlook as ever being depressed was the Apostle Paul. Three times in the Book of Acts Luke records about Paul’s despondence: in Corinth facing more persecution (Acts 18:9), after his arrest in Jerusalem (23:11), and on a ship to Rome as a prisoner in the midst of a cyclonic storm (27:23-25). Luke even records that we—including Paul—finally gave up all hope of being saved.
But don’t miss the second part of these accounts. In all of them God was there helping them. He sent an angel to Elijah under the tree and in the cave the LORD communicated to him. Twice the LORD Himself spoke to Paul and on the ship He sent His angel to encourage him. Even in the abyss of the darkest and smallest black-hole we are not alone—the Holy Spirit is also there. David said, Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; If I make my bed in the depths [the black hole of depression, my comment], you are there . . . even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you (Psalms 139:7-12).
It’s rare now, but once again for the past week I’ve been there. We never know why this journey begins. But I have to wonder if God allowed it this time in order to remind me so I could write this Sustaining Word. Someone must need to hear this from one who understands. Maybe you are there now. You are not alone. When the light comes on again and the space opens wide, get some medical help. For you who haven’t taken this journey, praise the LORD you haven’t been to this place and pray for us who do go.
Sustaining Word for the Week:
Remember you’re not there alone. The Holy Spirit is with you. I know you can’t feel Him, I know you can’t hear Him—that doesn’t matter, He is there.