Let’s refer to it as the sibling of rejection, but with an entirely different personality. We most know rejection for its negative effects. This sibling has a more positive character but be warned, it can bring as much pain if not understood and is allowed to dominate our life. We call it acceptance. It is a basic need of human life. Social science defines ‘accept’ as being received by others in a positive way and considered worthy of friendship and respect. God created us as social beings. He made Eve for Adam because the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen 2:18). I will make one like himself as a help to him (BBE). They accepted one another and were the first social union.
Scripture uses several words we translate ‘accept or acceptance’ and all of them come from the root word for receive. Three major areas of acceptance affect our life: self-acceptance, acceptance from others, and acceptance from God. Problems arise when we don’t accept ourselves, i.e. accept the person God made us. Second problem comes from attempting to gain acceptance from everybody. The third occurs when Christians don’t grasp that God accepts them completely because of Christ. Nothing we do can add to or take away from His acceptance we already have. Acceptance from others is the focus of this lesson. Abraham Lincoln wisely said, “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” In other words, not everyone will accept you.
Some call it the chameleon syndrome. People derive this analogy from lizards that change colors to adapt to its surroundings. Yet, seven other animals are actually better at conforming to their environment with the octopus at the top of the list. The Mimic Octopus not only changes its color but the shape of its body to imitate a sea snake, lionfish, or a piece of floating coral. Individuals who seek everyone’s acceptance become like the octopus; they alter who they are and even compromise their identity as a Christian to fit in and gain acceptance. They become who others want them to be. Their opinions, their appearance, their language, their personality, etc. will adjust based on the particular person or the group around them. Eventually, this leads to an obsession with being a people pleaser instead of a God pleaser. Think of the lowest end of becoming a people pleaser. It occurs today with young people wanting acceptance into a certain gang. Taken to the extreme they must kill someone, commit a larceny, fight a group of members, females must submit to sex with multiple members, and even worst acts of crime and sin. All this so others will accept them
Acceptance by anyone brings good feelings and a false sense of worth. However, anything outside of what God approves becomes a momentary experience. Just like drugs, when the high has worn off, it leaves you feeling worthless wanting affirmation again but this time you require a little more. This sets you up for an endless string of disappointments. Lasting acceptance comes from God and His people. Only here will we discover our true worth and approval. The process out of the trap of people pleasing begins with accepting what Jesus accomplished for our eternal acceptance by the Father. Sadly, I am aware of too many people who live trying to gain God’s approval not comprehending He accepted them once for all when they received Jesus as Savior. That doesn’t mean God approves of everything we do in our Christian journey, but He still accepts us as the individual He loves.
After realizing that God has accepted us, we begin a journey of discovering who we are in Him and accepting ourselves. But, we must remember Jesus’ warning, All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved (Mk 13:13 NIV). Not only will people not accept you, they will hate you. We must stay grounded in the worth and approval God places on us. “Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me” (unknown). Our acceptance by God never diminishes one bit based on others inability to perceive our God given worth. Neither can we allow other people’s opinions define the person God made you. A word of caution is due here. We must not allow the pendulum to swing from trying to please everyone to the opposite extreme of not caring what anyone thinks. Christians should live with a consideration of what others think but not at the expense of compromising our Bible based values. The ubiquitous word in our theological study must always be—balance.
Many people loved and accepted Paul, but more people hated and refused to accept him. He wrote, Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ (Gal 1:10). He didn’t need man’s acceptance; he knew who God had made him and that God accepted Him.
Sustaining Word for the Week: “We don’t serve God to gain His acceptance; we are accepted so we serve God” (Neil Anderson). How dare we not accept ourselves or let others rob us of the person God made us.