“Who turned the lights off?” Then I realized I was falling. “Not this pit again!” It grew darker and tighter by the second. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve fallen into this same hole. You think a guy would figure out how to avoid such a place of despair. It has been less frequent, but here I am again. But, this time, it seems I’ve plunged beyond the loss of hope and lost even the possibility of hope. I could continue writing and let this place stay nameless, and eighteen percent of you will still understand exactly where I am. You also struggle with this darkness. However, the majority of the population is clueless. They are the ones who say to us; ‘look at how blessed you are! Be thankful’; ‘cheer up’; ‘no reason to be like this’; ‘it’s a beautiful day so snap out of it’.
Its name is ‘depression’. The Bible uses words as downcast, brokenhearted, troubled, miserable, despairing, among others. Depression engulfs us with guilt, believing we are the worst of sinners. We hear in our head, ‘I’m a Christian and shouldn’t be in this condition.’ Depression brings tunnel vision that blocks out the joy of the Lord and His peace. We lack the ability to envision a future. We can’t even believe what we know. You can find thousands of words that sufferers use describing how they feel: defeated, crushed, helpless, isolated, overwhelmed, trapped, confused, worthless, alone, etc. One writer describes it this way; “Having depression is like being trapped in a really bad thunderstorm. You don’t know when it will hit, you never know how long it’s going to last, and when it finally passes, you’re left to survey the damages and pick up the pieces” (Tiffany Johnson).
Throughout the Bible, the Holy Spirit included accounts about godly, faithful, servants of God, who struggled and battled through the darkness of depression. David wrote, Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me (Psalms 42:11 HCSB)? Elijah cried out, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take my life” (1 King19:4). Job in his anguish, “Why did I not die at birth, Come forth from the womb and expire” (Job 3:11)? Jeremiah wrote, Why did I ever come forth from the womb To look on trouble and sorrow, So that my days have been spent in shame (Jer 20:18)? Even Jesus was overcome before His death. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death”. . . Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me” . . . (Mk 14:34, 36 NIV). They also experienced the feelings of hopelessness, isolation, and despair. But the Lord God was with them, caring for them, and used these men in mighty ways.
History is not without its own list of prominent individuals who grappled with depression. From them came renowned thinkers, world changers, inventors, philosophers, and writers. Two of the greatest preachers and theologians, whose writing we still read after hundreds of years, suffered with deep depression—St. Augustine and Charles Spurgeon. Others in this list include Martin Luther, CS Lewis, John Bunyan, John Wesley, and Jonathan Edwards. Without them, our world would lack countless beacons of spiritual direction.
We feel alone in our pit, but our loved ones are suffering at the same time. I asked my wife to write a paragraph describing her struggle. “Some might ask, ‘What is it like to live with a spouse who has depression or even severe depression?’ The answer is it can be very difficult and hard to deal with. It is often hard for a person who only experiences depression occasionally, to understand how an individual can get so down in the pit of depression, especially if they are Christians. Through the years though, I discovered that I really couldn’t do anything to bring my spouse out of depression, except to be there for him, love him, hold him, and pray for him. I have tried encouraging words, lifting his attributes up, and ‘working’ against this awful condition, and the harder I tried to ‘fix’ the problem, the more I failed. Medications have improved my husband’s life greatly, but I believe the Lord in all of His great mercy is the only one who has helped both him and me, and helped me to help my husband. Living with a depressed person is hard, but because of the love I have for my spouse and the mercy of God, we have made it through all these years of marriage, and even though he still fights this condition, the Lord has helped us to grow in understanding together. If your loved one suffers with depression, stop trying to change them or even encourage, just love them and let God bring them out of the ‘pit’ at His ‘divine time’” (Donna Gause).
As my incredible wife shared, even encouraging words of advice never help. One sufferer wrote, just give me a hug, hold my hand, and tell me you love me. An on/off switch doesn’t exist for depression. It is more like a timer switch, someone else sets the time, and we are unaware when it will begin or end. After writing this, a bit of light is glimmering through my darkness. I wonder if God set the switch because He is aware somebody needs this sustaining word.
Sustaining Word for the Week: You are not alone. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I make my bed in the depths [including depression], you are there (Ps 139:7, 8 NIV).